It's My Party...

Saturday is a mildly milestone-ish birthday for me, clocking in at age 35. I mean, there's no getting around it anymore. I'm squarely in my mid-thirties. But hey, it's good to get this far, right? Right.

But I'm sad today over the referral announcements today that state the CCAA got through two stinking days worth of waiting list (Oct 26,2005). I don't understand it at all and every month the glue holding my smile together when people ask where we are on the list dries a little more, cracks a little more, and the cheery attitude I'm trying desperately to hold together is hanging by a thread. I had dinner with a friend a couple weeks ago who asked me how much longer we had to go. I gave her the "14 months or so" stock answer to which she replied that I'd told her that six months ago, nine months ago, and a year ago. I told her I thought we were probably over the hump now and we could probably count on getting in and out of China before the Beijing Olympics. Today I have absolutely no idea anymore.

At the risk of sounding a like a total whiner (should be my 3rd instead of my 35th birthday), I have to say that I'm completely and totally frustrated. I know we chose the adoption route and that it's fraught with unpredictability. I know one day it will all be worth it. I know that as parents, we have to learn about patience. And there's no point in getting mad at the CCAA. But for today, I'm at a loss. It's hard to believe that one day we will ever have the daughter we have been waiting for.

I'll stop short of posting a photo of the world's smallest violin (which I did actually find online). Thanks for letting me vent. Tomorrow I'll eat way too much birthday cake, Sunday I'll eat way too much Easter candy, and on Monday it'll be a brand new day.